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Alrighty, enough jokes... Time to learn....

.  Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
3. The dot over the letter I is called a "tittle".
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously
  from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system;
  a few ounces will kill a small dog.
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's' stomach from underneath,
  causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
16. Leonardo DA Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time ...
  Hence, multi-tasking was invented.
17. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
18. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos. 
19. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan;
  there was never a recorded Wendy before!
20. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with:    Orange, purple, and silver!
21. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
22. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
22. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
23. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19.
  You also have the largest amount of money in coins
   without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)
24. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksan
  (and you thought this list was completely useless.)
25. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles.
  At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola,
  so they called themselves Motorola. 
26. Celery has negative calories!
  It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
  It's the same with apples!
27. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
28. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified Kosher.
29. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen
  from Public Libraries.
30. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space
  because passing wind in a space suit damages it.
 Thanks Professor Donnie

QUOTES BY NOTABLES

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, 
but fine against a wall."

- Eleanor Roosevelt
   
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. 
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain
   
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. 
- George Burns
   
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
   
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.< BR>- Mark Twain
   
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
- Mark Twain
   

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates ...... (the philosopher)
   
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
   
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
   

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
- Jilly Cooper
   

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor
   
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
- Mark Twain
   
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Ed Furgol
   
Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
   

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
- Henny Youngman
   
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
- Joe Namath
   

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

- Herbert Henry Asquith
   
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until
noon . Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
   
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. 
- WC. Fields
   
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

- Will Rogers
   

Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
   

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller 
   

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out. 
- Unknown
   
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

-Unknown

I saw you ... But, you didn't see me

I saw you,
hug your purse closer to you
 in the grocery store line.

But, you didn't see me,
put an extra $10.00 in the collection plate last Sunday.

I saw you,
pull your child closer
 when we passed each other on the sidewalk.

But, you didn't see me,
playing Santa at the local mall.

I saw you,
change your mind about going into the restaurant.

But, you didn't see me,
attending a meeting
 to raise more money for the hurricane relief.

I saw you,
roll up your window and shake your head when I drove by.

But, you didn't see me,
driving behind you
when you flicked your cigarette butt out the car window.

I saw you,
frown at me
when I smiled at your children.

But, you didn't see me,
when I took time off from work
to run toys to the homeless.

I saw you,
stare at my long hair.

But, you didn't see me,
and my friends cut ten inches off for Locks of Love.

I saw you,
roll your eyes at our leather coats and gloves.

But, you didn't see me,
and my brothers donate
our old coats and gloves to those that had none.

I saw you,
look in fright at my tattoos.

But, you didn't see me,
cry as my children where born
 and have their name written over and in my heart.

I saw you,
change lanes while rushing off to go somewhere.

But, you didn't see me,
going home to be with my family.

I saw you,
complain about how loud and noisy
 our bikes can be.

But, you didn't see me,
when you were changing the CD
and drifted into my lane.

I saw you,
yelling at your kids in the car.

But, you didn't see me,
pat my child's hands,
knowing he was safe behind me.

I saw you,
reading the newspaper or map
 as you drove down the road.

But, you didn't see me,
squeeze my wife's leg
 when she told me to take the next turn.

I saw you,
race down the road in the rain.

But, you didn't see me,
get soaked to the skin
 so my son could have the car to go on his date.

I saw you,
run the yellow light
just to save a few minutes of time.

But, you didn't see me,
trying to turn right.

I saw you,
cut me off
because you needed to be in the lane I was in.

But, you didn't see me,
leave the road.

I saw you,
waiting impatiently for my friends to pass.

But, you didn't see me.
I wasn't there.

I saw you,
go home to your family.

But, you didn't see me.
Because, I died that day you cut me off.

I was just a biker,.....

A person with friends and a family.

BUT, YOU DIDN'T SEE ME

{author unknown}
Thanks Biker Nick !
Chapter Coordinator
Olde Dominion Chapter
ABATE of Virginia
 

Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Men

A motorcycle can go for more than one ride in an hour.

Motorcycles never develop spare tires.

Motorcycles last longer.

Motorcycles don't get you pregnant.

A motorcycle doesn't care what time of month it is.

Motorcycles don't have parents.

Your motorcycle will let you know if something is wrong.

You don't have to kick your motorcycle to get it going.

Your motorcycle won't judge your friends.

If your motorcycle is boisterous, you can buy a muffler.

You won't have to put your motorcycle through grad school.

If your motorcycle smokes you can do something about it.

Motorcycles don't care about how many other motorcycles you have ridden.

When riding, you and your motorcycle both arrive at the same time.

One motorcycle will satisfy you every time.

Your motorcycle won't ogle other motorcycles.

Your motorcycle won't care if you have a poster of your fantasy motorcycle.

If your motorcycle has high mileage, you can just get a new one.

Motorcycles don't care about breast size.

If your motorcycle is too soft you can get new shocks.

If your motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.

You don't have to drink beer before your motorcycle looks appealing.

You can be proud of your motorcycle regardless of the model.

You don't have to go to Tiffany's to register your motorcycle.

Your motorcycle won't beat you or try to make you feel inferior.

You can ride a motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get limp.

Your parents won't keep in touch with your old motorcycle after you dump it.

Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride when you do.

Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a novice.

Your motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other motorcycles.

Motorcycles don't make you late.

You don't have to primp before riding your motorcycle.

Your motorcycle won't complain when you use protection.

If your motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

You can't get a disease from a motorcycle.

Your motorcycle won't care if you fake it.

Motorcycles are always ready to stop when you are.

Your motorcycle has a built in vibrator.

Your motorcycle doesn't have to show off in front of other motorcycles.

Your motorcycle doesn't care how heavy you are.

In the morning, your motorcycle won't poke you in the back when it wants to go for a ride.

Your motorcycle won't shrink when it's cold.

If your motorcycle can't fire up, you can just replace the battery.

You don't have to cook for your motorcycle.

Your motorcycle can't ride around behind your back.

If your motorcycle is cold you can choke it.

Your motorcycle is always the right size because if it seems too small you can just get a new one.

You can keep photos of your old motorcycles.

Your motorcycle would rather go for a ride than watch sports.

Your motorcycle can go for multiple rides.

Motorcycles don't need pick-up lines.

You only have to ride your motorcycle when you want to.

Your motorcycle won't go for rides by itself.

If baldness occurs, you can replace the tires.


BUT...

There’s nothing better than men on motorcycles

This is definitely frustrating

This is a quiz for people who know everything! These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers. so..put on your thinking caps and let's play:

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators
nor the participants know the score or the leader
until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly
moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on
their own for several growing seasons. All other
vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the
only two perennial vegetables?

4. Name the only sport in which the ball is always in
possession of the team on defense, and the offensive
team can score without touching the ball?

5. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

6. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy,
with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole
and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been
cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the
bottle?

7. Only three words in standard English begin with the
letters "dw" and they are all common words. Name two
of them.

8. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar.
Can you name at least half of them?

9. Where are the lakes that are referred to in the Los
Angeles Lakers?

10. There are 7 ways a baseball player can legally
reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base
on balls (a walk) is one way. Name the other 6.

11. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never
sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any
other form except fresh.

12. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your
feet beginning with the letter "S."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Answers To Quiz:

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor
the participants know the score or the leader until
the contest ends . . . boxing

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward
. . . Niagara Falls
(The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each
year because of the millions of gallons of water that
rush over it every minute.)

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on
their own for several growing seasons . . . asparagus
and rhubarb.

4. The only sport in which the ball is always in
possession of the team on defense, and the offensive
team can score without touching the ball . . .
BASEBALL

5. The fruit with its seeds on the outside
STRAWBERRIES

6. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It
grew inside the bottle.
(The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are
small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle
is left in place for the entire growing season. When
the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the
stems.)

7. Three English words beginning with dw . dwarf,
dwell and dwindle.

8. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar . . .
period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen,
apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point,
quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and
ellipses.

9. The original lakes referred to in Lakers . . . in
Minnesota.
(The team was originally known as the Minneapolis
Lakers, and kept the name when they moved west.)

10. Seven ways a baseball player can legally reach
first base without getting a hit . . . taking a base
on balls (a walk) . . . batter hit by a pitch, passed
ball, catcher interference, catcher drops third
strike, fielder's choice, and being designated as a
pinch-runner.

11. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen,
canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but
fresh .... LETTUCE

12. Six or more things you can wear on your feet
beginning with "s" . . shoes, socks, sandals,
sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes,
stockings, stilts.

 NOW, YOU KNOW ALMOST EVERYTHING ......... Thanks to Donnie !

 "Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!"