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Mona's Treasure ChestHelp~I can't find my mind's eye or the vaccum !
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R. I. P. Patrick SwayzeRest In Peace Patrick Swayze It's sad.It's surreal: Michael Jackson & Farrah Fawcett passing away on the same day. It's sad.  HI Y'ALLAs most y’all know, a couple of months ago my computer was infected with a nasty bug. My brother kindly offered his IT guy‘s services ~ who did wipe out the bug. As a bonus he added some IT Pro software & changed my IE to 7... Unfortunately [although I had specialized software, including a block for IE7] my system was geared toward XP & IE6 encoding - changing to IT Pro deleted or invalidated the majority of my programs. Slowly, really slowly, I’ve been reconstructing what I can: Some things I’ll never get back and panic/anxiety attacks make me incapable of re-creating simple items [like my budget or RX lists]. Anyway…  that’s why I haven’t kept in touch. I’ve missed y’all, but thanks for the jokes …. They keep me smiling ;~) "If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep." As always, Love, Mona Thunder StormsA little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning. The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she feared the electrical storm might harm her child. Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did, she saw her little girl walking along. At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile. Another and another flash of lighting followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile. When the mother's car drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called to her 'What are you doing?' The child answered, 'I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture.' May God bless you today and everyday as you face the storms that come your way. Timing is everything..You are on the bus when you suddenly realize .... you need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.  After a couple of songs, you start to feel better. as you approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down,  and that's when you realize...  you've been listening to your ipod. a Scotch with two drops of waterA lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with twodrops of water.
World AIDS Day 12-1-2008Join us as we honor World AIDS Day. ELECTION, 2008 ... NOT JUST OBAMA/McCAINCOMMONWEALTH OF VIRGINIA GENERAL AND SPECIAL ELECTIONS Here I Go AgainHere I Go Again I don’t know where I’m going DO YOU REALIZE... Do you realize it's only 100 days until Christmas ?    A distraught womanA distraught woman phoned her doctor's office. Classic Jewish Comedy:You may remember ( if you are old enough) the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days, viz., Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others? Don't you miss their humor? I sure do! Not one single swear word in their comedy .
There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out. A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me! What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!" Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried. She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry. The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months. The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?" A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!" Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!" A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started." A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!" I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of. Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!
1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now. 2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.
In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school. 3. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes." 5 Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
6. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdales.
7. A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good, " said the mother.
"I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered. "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call." 8. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.
She asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part." 9. Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner 10. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."
11. Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat. 12. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said
"Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied. 13. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.     Zen thoughts for the day1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.  2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a faulty fan belt and two leaky tires.  3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.  4.. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced you can't be promoted. 5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.  7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.   9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!  10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.  11.. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.  ZEN Thoughts For The Day Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. A closed mouth gathers no foot. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. Generally speaking you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. If you want someone...If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him
and never say its not quite as good as his mothers >>>>>>> ...then buy a dog. If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want >>>>>>> ...then buy a dog. If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies >>>>>>> ...then buy a dog. If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores >>>>>>> ...then buy a dog. If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually >>>>>>> ...then buy a dog. BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness >>>>>>> * * * ...then buy a cat! Now be honest, you thought I was gonna say... marry a man, didn't you? 25 Ways You Know You've Grown Up1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. 6. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up." 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." 10. You're the one calling the police because those #$%*& kids next door won't turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time McDonalds closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14. You feed your dog/cat Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You take naps. 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. 19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit." 21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. 22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. 25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking Oh shit what the hell happened?" 7 DAYS OF DISAPPOINTMENTOn Thursday my ex-husband informed me he would be coming, from Missouri, the next weekend to pick-up our granddaughter Alexis. OK, no problem. On Friday evening he notified me he would be leaving Saturday at 8AM- not a week from then... in 24 hrs !!! which meant I had to have her ready to go in 1 day !!! Plus I was getting to spend less time with her & eliminating all the stuff she & I had planned. It was chaos trying to get stuff together & to make matters worse she didn't want to leave. I kept re-iterating Popaw was coming to get her, she'd get to see Daddy & the other people who live in their house- finally she agreed when I reminded her she had presents for everyone... that made her happy. I agreed to meet my ex- in Lexington, VA, exit 55 on I-64... about 250 miles from VA Beach - saving him about 500 miles of driving. He was suppose to call Saturday night when he stopped at a motel so I'd know when to leave. However, he didn't call me or our son to say where he was staying. I waited for his call until 12:10 pm Sunday, but no call came so I left for Lexington. We got there at 4:37pm - NO EX-. We waited in the parking lot 'til 11:30pm when I finally decided we'd have to get a room... [there went $60- I didn't allot for]. Alexis & I got up at 8am (I fed her some grapes & OJ) then back to the meeting place where we waited 'til 11am then went to the Waffle House to eat and straight back to the meeting place. To make the day worse it was 100* outside & my car doesn't have A/C. At 1pm the kids & I started to think the worst. My EX- had an accident a month earlier & totaled his truck. My daughter called the State Troopers from MO to VA- NO LUCK- then she start coming from Richmond to I-64 west checking the highway shoulders, ditches & broken guard rails looking for her dad's red Ford pickup. I had my son go to his dad's house in MO & find out if anyone had heard from him. NO LUCK. I started from Lexington heading 64 west to West VA then turned around & started back to Lexington. I pulled over at a broken guard rail to check for his truck - a minute or so after getting out of the car a State Trooper pulled in behind me & issued a citation for impeding traffic & illegal parking on an interstate... $127.00 ticket All I could think of was "that A-hole better be in a hospital somewhere!" Now it's 5pm - 20 miles down the road my cell started working again- well the text messeges came through... It said "Dad's in Mo" ... my blood pressure shot up so high I was afraid I was going to have a heart attack or at least a stroke. By the time I got back to Lexington I was seething. My daughter wasn't there yet; she'd hit a thunderstorm. Spoke to my son -my EX- had turned around & gone back to Missouri Sunday at 4pm- 34 minutes before we arrived. HE STILL HAD NOT CALLED ANYONE !!! My son said his dad wanted me to call him- I told him I'd have to wait 'til my daughter got there because I didn't want Alexis to hear the language I would be using. She was already upset because she thought her popaw didn't want her to come home. 5 minutes later my EX- called me!!  SO,  I got out of the car & started the conversation... an exceptionally vocal obscene discussion. Apparently so loud people were pulling their kids back into the DQ... so loud my daughter could hear me at the bank across the highway from where I was parked. When I finally got to a place I could breath- I told him to give my son the money to get to E'ville, IN & I would meet him there... also he would have to pay our daughter back the money she would have to front me to get Alexis to E'ville.... I was still fuming & extremely loud.By this time my daughter had pulled up & was trying to keep Alexis calm. Alexis had never heard me raise my voice. Turns out my daughter had received 2 tickets on her way to Lexington. My assinine EX- had ruined a simple drive into 1 of the most expensive rides any of us had taken without a vacation. BAST**D!!!!!!!!! 9 HOURS later we met up with my son at E'ville's Flying J... I was still infuriated- not at my son but my EX. The trip back I was exhausted - I had 8 hrs sleep in 56 hours... I pulled into a rest area & sleep for 6 hours. Then I drove for another couple hundred miles, pulled into another rest area and slept for another 6 hours.  I will never speak to him again!!!
AH LIFE...The past couple years have been so frustrating & depressing I haven't been able to concentrate on today, let alone the years passing me by. I wish things were different ~ but not much has changed.
One foot in front of the other and try to move forward.
I had hopes of going camping (used to be my favorite way of recuperating & rejuvenating), but life's gotten in the way, so I guess I'll try again next year. :(
Any way... wish y'all the best. As always, Me TOUGHIETo make it stand,
You wet it ! To make it wet, You suck it ! To make it stiff, You lick it ! To get it in, You push ! Damn...      Threading a needle is tough !  Too dependent on computersThis just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers.
>> Are you male or female? To find out the answer, look down...
>> >> >> >>. >> >>. >> >> >> >> >>. Look down, not scroll down, Silly ! Jeeeesssshhhh! TIME DOES NOT HEAL ALL WOUNDSOn March 17, 1972, PK Rowland & I got married. He was 19 & I was 17.
We wanted little people of our own and Pat ~secretly~ wanted boys. We moved from VA Beach, VA back to Farmington Twnshp, MI where I had lived for awhile. We could work on race cars, he could race the Black Hills & learn the tool & dye trade.
It didn't turn out as we thought -there was a recession & few companies were hiring, so Pat took a job as tow truck driver & PT gas jockey. When I wasn't in too pregnant
or in the hospital with one of the boys I worked the tow truck also...repo-ing cars.
Our first son was born with SIDS, although usually fatal, God granted us a blessing. I spent countless hours in the hospitals with Kelly while Pat worked to keep us afloat.
When Stephan was born, he had ecoli which created a staph-like infection in his bowels. He was finally released from the hospital on 12-31-1973. Again we believed God granted us a blessing.
But on January 19, 1974 my worst nightmare became a reality... someone came into South-8 Shell and while Pat started the gas pump, then approaching the driver's side window -
the passenger leaned across and unloaded a double barrel sawed off shot gun into Pat's chest.
He was dead instantly & they had only gotten $1.12 in gas...they didn't even try to rob him.
It was cold blooded murder. The Southfield police never found the men who did this... and only through Interpol did they find the gun in Canada, some months later.
On January 24, 1974, I was 19 and taking my sons to the funeral of their 21 yr old father ... whose killers they stopped looking for BEFORE any questions were answered. On St Patrick's Day, 2007 we would've been married 35 years ... God rest his soul... I miss him dearly Irish BlessingsMay the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. And rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand. ~ Irish Blessing
May your neighbors respect you,
Trouble neglect you, The angels protect you, And heaven accept you. ~ Irish Blessing FUN AT THE CONVENTTwo nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer. The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it. The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "This is for washing our hair." The cashier without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers." Words to live by
A smoker in the COMMONWEALTH of VirginiaThe Commonwealth of Virginia is not I am NOT an illegal drug user, nor am I a criminal… If I were a restaurant owner with a restaurant funded & established by MY hard work Personally, at 52 years old, I resent the Commonwealth and predisposed busybodies With regards, Ice FishermanOne day, a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered deeply
into the hole examining it for fish. Suddenly, a loud voice boomed, "There are no fish down there." Surprised, but not discouraged, the fisherman continued on.
He walked several yards away, drilled another hole and peered deeply into it. Again, out of nowhere, a voice suddenly boomed, "There's no fish down there." A bit nervous now, the fisherman managed to continue.
He walked about 50 yards away and drilled yet another hole, peered long and deep into the hole, hoping for some fish. Suddenly, the voice boomed again, this time louder than ever, "There's no fish down there!!!" The fisherman, quite frightened at this point,
looked up into the sky and asked, "God!? Is that you?" "No, you idiot," the voice said. "It's the rink manager." |
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